Today was a day of wondering why.
I have these days more often than I would like to admit. I go through my days in content oblivion… when… reality suddenly pushes me to the side and demands my attention.
My term for it is sudden-onset-reality.
Sudden-onset-reality has three main variations:
- issues that I over-analyzed and chose a course of action knowing most of the pros and cons
- issues that I analyzed briefly and was forced by circumstances to make a knee jerk reaction to (damning all resulting torpedos)
- issues that I was totally unaware even existed
Regardless of what variation my sudden-onset-reality takes, it hurts the most when it is the result of the inability of people to be forthright with each other. These individuals portray a façade of themselves, or of a situation; a façade that is less offensive and more resilient than what they feel on the inside.
It’s one of the ways humans survive every day. It’s a defense mechanism. Everyone does it to a certain degree.
Unfortunately, this approach inevitably results in others taking actions or making decisions upon basically flawed or faulty information, that, had the truth been told, might have resulted in a completely different choice of action. Possibly an even better one.
I don’t spend time judging anyone over it as I don’t want anyone to judge me. I just keep moving forward as best I can and setting my standards to a level that suit me and keep me sane and honest.
Today, a bout of sudden-onset-reality caused me to wonder why other people don’t, or can’t, operate the same way I do. Even as I can intellectualize the reasons, I still found myself musing about it:
- Why can’t I expect other people to operate truthfully?
- Why is it so difficult to be honest with someone who is being honest? (I would think that would be easy)
- Why do people, especially in a business arena, operate under the assumption that others are being duplicitous, even when there is no previous track record to substantiate that?
- Why is truthful until proven otherwise so difficult to grasp?
- Why are the standards of truth and transparency so scary in personal relationships?
Each of the answers to my questions boiled down to one element: fear. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fear of abandonment, fear of commitment.
My take on it is if there is fear, there is naturally more reason to misrepresent thoughts, ideas, words, and actions. On a personal level, if a person is fearful on the inside, thus misrepresenting emotions or thoughts inwardly, how can that person be fearless, and hence truthful to others on the outside?
Probably not with ease.
My easy solution: be strong and courageous, eliminate the fear, and be free to be forthright and truthful.
I know, easier said than done.
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