What Was I Thinking?

At what point in the march toward maturity do we stop looking back at our actions, our words, wondering why we did that? We started out careless and free, but then we all had to grow up and think about consequences. Yuck!

Actions that felt right at the time they were taken but they get reviewed after the fact from the perspective of personal principles and societal views.

You look at something you did on a whim and the afterthought is “What was I thinking?”  Or, “That is definitely not me.” You second guess yourself.

But, yet, you did it and it is done.spur[1]

Whatever you did is not bad. Nor did it hurt anyone. Not even you. It is something that if someone would have told you that you did it, you would look at them with mouth agape and point to yourself “ME?”

These are actions  that you review after the fact, running the scenes through your mind like a motion picture, and can too easily distance yourself from them. Not take ownership of them. In fact, there might be scenes that if someone had taken video you would be tempted to cut those scenes right out of the picture. The actions are those of another person and are not the types of actions that represent you on a regular basis. They don’t represent the person that you present on the outside.

“Nope. I didn’t do that. That must be someone else.”

These are actions, if done by someone else, that you might find yourself envying that person for their free spirit and their ability to jump into actions for the moment and not over-think the consequences or the opinions of others. But, you might just as easily condemn that person for the same reasons.

These are actions that you might read about in a steamy romance novel or see in a movie scene, portrayed by actors who get paid the big bucks to put it in a public arena.

These are actions that you wouldn’t want your children to know about…or at least not until you are old and wrinkled, waiting for the end, and need to share the thought if only to prove that your existence mattered at some point.

These are actions that you wouldn’t want your mother to know about. These are actions that when you did them in your 20s they seemed appropriate because that’s what that age group does. After all, their brains are not completely formed yet. These are actions that you don’t attach to someone in your age group. People with fully formed brains don’t do things like this.

These are actions that belong in a diary and shared with no one.

These are the actions that if you over-analyze them, the thought can bring you low and make you question your own worth.

thCA38O3GWDon’t misunderstand. I am not speaking about regrets. I am not speaking about actions that if you had a chance to do them over you would choose a different course. Uh-uh.

These are actions that made you feel good, actions that felt right, and when you look back on them you still smile secretly.

These are actions that, if you allow yourself to go there, can be a tremendous source of comfort because the very part of what makes you think back and question what you were thinking is the same part that represents freedom of thought and action.

Because when you took that action, you were free. Free from condemnation, free from overthinking, free from all the burdens that have kept you down up until the time when you took the action. You were flying high and living your life in the moment.thCAUE75XS

These are actions that if you had stopped for a second to actually analyze whether you should or shouldn’t proceed, you probably would have stopped and made another choice, but you would have secretly regretted that you had missed the moment.

Missed an opportunity to connect on a higher level with a friend, missed a chance at a lifelong memory, missed a chance to live the life that has been given to you by the grace of God.

I have a tendency to over-analyze my life. I over-analyze my thoughts, my actions, sometimes every second; I can be really hard on myself over it all. The rare moments when I can do something free of the burden of over-analyzing are precious and few.

I take these moments now not in shame or regret, but as cherished keepsakes of the few moments when I was free.

As I proceed through my days, days when I will not be so free and will have to think things through, I will bring out these keepsake moments so that I can remind myself what it feels like to be on the other side of that burden.


© 2010-2013 Kimberly Yoss. All rights reserved. No part of this online publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior approval from Kimberly Yoss.


Passion For Running Part 2: Know Why


Once you determine to make exercise, running in this case, your priority, the next step is to know why.

There could be many “whys”: to lose weight, to get healthy, to run a marathon or compete in some other competition, to meet the hot guy who lives down the street and runs shirtless through your neighborhood every morning.

th[9]Your “why” might be one of these, or several of them. The key is that you know what it is.

Knowing why you are running not only provides you with a critical focus, but it also is the first step to establishing smaller, more attainable goals. This focus, and the ensuing goals, creates a final destination and a path to that destination. Without this focus, you might easily lapse back into old habits and get lost along the way.

I think of it in terms of traveling. What is the first thing you do after you decide to take a vacation, whether a long summer holiday or a weekend getaway?

You decide on a destination.

That destination could be someplace exotic and halfway around the world, or it could be someplace close. Either way, you have to figure out where that “someplace” is. Once you decide where, you can then work on how, which will include the path you travel to get there and what you visit along the way.ef-enjoy-ur-journey[1]

Have you ever taken a drive without knowing exactly where you intend to end up? What happens? You meander. Sometimes you run into sights and experiences that are pleasant, but many times you spend so much time figuring out which road to take and where it will end up that you sacrifice some of your ability to relax and enjoy the trip.

Another way to think about this is in terms of learning new things. It could be a new software application, a new skill, or simple everyday tasks. When I am confronted with learning something new, it helps me to know why I am doing that particular task.

  • I have to save a new document in Word before I get to the end because if I forget I will lose all that work if my computer freezes.
  • I put fabric softener in the rinse cycle because it makes my clothes smell fresh(er).
  • I get regular oil changes on my cars because they will run better and last longer.
  • …and, for those moms out there, “But Mom, why do I have to go to bed so early?”, or, “Mom, why do I have to brush my teeth. I don’t want to.”

Knowing why can also help you express, or even defend, your choice. There are those in my life who question why I exercise so much. Some of the concerns are wear and tear on my aging body, time away from my motherly duties, money spent competing. If I didn’t have a strong commitment to my “why”, these dissenting opinions might serve to weaken my will, or lead me to second-guess my choice.

life-in-unisel-unisel-7th-convocation-graduation-quote[1]I run and exercise regularly because it helps me stay fit, which helps me feel better both physically and mentally. When I am not exercising regularly, I eat more and consequently feel sluggish, not to mention that I get extremely cranky when those endorphins are not coursing through my brain in a steady, strong stream. Don’t even get me started on what happens when I am PMSing AND not exercising regularly. Better watch out!

As you might have concluded, making exercise your priority goes hand in hand with knowing why you are exercising. You have to have your focus set before you can push yourself out of bed, or away from the computer, to go out and run even on those days when you don’t feel like doing it.

So, what is your why?

Circuit Of The Americas (COTA) – The Grand Am From Turn One

The racing season has begun. And Austin has a new facility to host it. Welcome to Circuit Of The Americas, or COTA!

My first ever car race…and what an exhilarating experience: watching the Grand Am from turn 1!

My favorite impressions were:

  • The size and scope of the grounds. I could see it being used as a venue for a large music festival.
  • The size of it also meant LOTS of walking. Wear comfortable shoes!
  • From up in the stands, you can see large parts of the whole track. This view reminded me of a life-size Matchbox race track!
  • The alcoholic drinks are ridiculously expensive…I paid $20 for two draft beers! After that, I didn’t even bother to check out the cost for food!
  • The difference in one’s perspective of the speed at which these cars travel, as experienced from up in the stands versus from on the grassy knoll alongside the track or one of the bridges over the track.
  • I have always liked race cars, for their design as well as for their colors. I like them so much better in real life.
  • The noise level is intense! Ear protection is a good thing, particularly if you intend to see Formula 1. Lots of kids and adults running around with ear plugs, etc.

The rest is best shared in images….

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© 2010-2013 Kimberly Yoss. All rights reserved. No part of this online publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior approval from Kimberly Yoss.

Thoughts From February

~ 2.2.2013

You have to experience the pain and frustration of how bad things can really get before you can appreciate how good things really are.

~ 2.19.2013

You know you have a dysfunctional relationship with chocolate when you tell yourself, as you eat through the rest of the leftovers, that is it OK because those 7 pieces all had bites taken out of them anyway.

~ 2.20.2013

I know that my focus sometimes needs more focus.

~ 2.22.2013

“Everybody dies but not everybody lives.” ~ Moment 4 Life by Nicki Minaj

~ 2.24.2013

Every day is a new day; another chance to put the past behind you and be the best you can be.

~ 2.25.2013

For a fleeting moment, your spotlight was mine; in a fleeting moment, your spotlight moved on. Happiness is learning to identify and enjoy the fleeting moment, in the here and now, so that it becomes unnecessary to peer back into the shadows to recapture what once was.

~ 2.26.2013

“Who are you when no one is around?” ~ Who Are You by Ivan & Alyosha

© 2010-2013 Kimberly Yoss. All rights reserved. No part of this online publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior approval from Kimberly Yoss.